Tankel Esme erklärt rejection

Schlagwörter: Zurückweisung – Abfuhr – friend zone – Sexismus – Patriarchat

Bild, um das es geht, hier: Zum Anschauen klicken

[Photoset description] A young white guy talks to a young white woman in public. They don’t seem to know each other. He says “Hi, excuse me. Today is my birthday, I’m turning 23.” She answers with a slight smile “Oh, happy birthday.” He asks: “Would you like to come to my party?” She answers with her head tilted slightly in regret, showing her hand with the wedding ring: “I’m married.” The last picture is the “Well, that escalated quickly” meme. [End description]

Actually no. Let me ‘splain you a thing.

Obviously, the “overreaction” of the lady in question is the joke here. The photoset is only funny, if you think that what she said in the last panel is a weird reaction to the interaction beforehand. Only that it’s not.

What is happening here? Does a dude she obviously doesn’t know and who just met her on the street just want to be nice and invite her to his birthday party? Does he want to do so without ulteriour motives like, say, get in her pants? If a strange dude invites me to a party, I am not sure if a) this party even exists b) I can trust him not to be dangerous to me and I will be c) kinda suspicious if he wants to meet me for my sparkling personality he just glimpsed by looking at me.

Sure, he doesn’t have to know her personality to find her attractive. That’s actually allowed. But if he asked her because he finds her attractive, it’s not too strange a leap to say that he’s probably sexually attracted to her. So this interaction isn’t merely about if she wants to come to a party (with a guy she doesn’t know at all!?!!!), but it’s also about his assumed sexual interest in her. What she actually reacts to (apart from the strange dude asks me to a party wow how creepy is that part) are his sexual advances.

NOW, yes, there are dudes who just want to be friends. I guess. Somewhere? But those are definitely not the dudes who cry “friend zone” if you, like, actually want to be friends, not several dudes I got to know or several other dudes my female* friends got to know whooo yes, wanted in our pants. So in my not humble opinion, this lady would have good reason to assume he’s sexually interested in her.

What she’s doing, is rejecting him. You could say it isn’t very feminist to go the “there is already a man I am tied to” route, but actually I think every lady* has to decide that for her*self. If she thinks this is the safest way to reject strange party dude, I say go for it! No shaming coming from me.

So, like, don’t do the “women be crazy” dance when they are looking out for their safety in a patriarchal society. She is not being unreasonable. The dude is showing some major red flags though.

Credit für „Tankel“ an @baumglueck.